I live in two worlds,
One of crimson, one of ink.
Two colors,
One for my feelings
And one for what I think.
My heart bleeds black
Onto the paper with a pen,
Showing every wound, every little crack.
My soul bleeds red
Onto my skin,
Revealing my life, my darkness,
My truth deep within.
As I write, these colors flow
But like tears in the rain,
On my face,
The truth will never show.
I live in two worlds,
One of crimson, one of ink.
Two colors,
One for my feelings
And one for what I think.
If you were to read this,
All my heart and soul,
You'd see the reality of both worlds.
How empty, how cold.
I close my eyes as my feelings flow,
Colors run together,
The invisible, bleeding tears,
No one will ever know.
Crimson and ink,
Together in the shattering silence,
On virgin white paper,
We sit and think.
My feelings I can no longer hide.
Crimson and ink......
On this paper, my two worlds collide;
Only on paper can I be set free inside.
(C) Mahella (T.M.)
'Expendable Fantasies'
All my dreams are not worth saving.
Life is a nightmare
That has left me mad and raving.
What could be left after all I've seen;
It's just my wish, my fantasy;
My beautiful, foolish dream.
Yet reality escapes me.
Light and shadows dance together;
Daemons become angels,
Smiling and loving eachother.
A mad world made right.
When truth becomes too painful
And longing turns to death,
I happily lose my sight.
All is perfect, I need no more.
I can stay here in my darkness;
Nothing is wrong,
I'll just become numb to the loneliness.
Paint a picture, make believe,
Let me see your illusions,
I want to fall into blissful delusion.
All is peaceful as I consume your poison.
I don't need those illuminated fantasies;
The visions of love behind my tired eyes.
I don't need my dreams,
When I can fall for your easy lies.
(C) Mahella (T.M.)
'The Seduction of the Dead'
City of the dead, we all fall down.
We have no home, we have no God.
Only images of chaos and thunderous sound.
All that is left is a shell,
Skin wrapped blood; soulless beauty;
Writhing, breathing, creating our Hell.
How to escape no one can say.
Nowhere to hide from this madness.
We must suffer our stay.
Bound to our desires,
An eternity of painful pleasure;
Dark passions will be our fire.
Laying the ashes of our own consumption,
Lust and pain crying out to angels;
Burning their wings and raping salvation.
Just look down; no need of air.
In our rabid clutches, you can blissfully drown.
There is no light in this city of death.
Blood and fire; we call to thee.
Die tonight; Just fall and lose your breath.
Won't you join us in this dark city?
City of the dead...... Fall with me.
Tumble into the pit of sin.
Lose your broken soul......and be free.
(C) Mahella (T.M.)
'Remnants of Illness ~ Scars Masking Wellness'
Not wounds, just scars.
Tears and pain, my prison bars.
Illness is healed;
My wellness is just concealed......under scars.
You don't remember me, the way I used to be.
All you know is the scars I wear,
But it's just skin deep to you,
You can't imagine what I must bear.
All those years, of wasted hate,
Gasping for air; drowning in tears.
Pain and fear, my faithful friends.
You don't know what I endured,
You can't imagine my dark sins.
Alone and bleeding for so long.
What doesn't kill us makes us stronger,
So they say; but they were wrong.
Not wounds, just scars.
A clever lie to hide the sores.
Illness is healed;
My wellness is just concealed.......under scars.
Longing for life, praying for death.
It's still the same in my tortured soul;
Again and again, I fall apart and lose my breath.
Those scars still bleed under the skin.
Suffocating me from within.
Hidden where you can't see.
The blood fills my heart and mind,
Twisting and contorting every good part of me.
Memories are like a thousand knives
And a simple thought, word, or deed,
Can bring it all back; grief and paranoia ruining our lives.
Mentally unfit, emotionally unstable,
Defective heart, lost soul.......
To be completely healed, I am unable.
But I am well, nothing is wrong!
These are just my remnants of illness;
The scars that bind my soul to my pain.
Wounds.......just masking wellness.
I have recovered and become strong.
Because that was years ago, I tell you!
I can't be hurt again.......
Now if I bleed, it's just my scars open a new.
Such is the aftermath of my heart's destruction.
The lie you believe....... A false consolation.
What I tell myself to escape my own devastation
When the pain is too much and the wounds won't heal,
I just look to my scars and use them to conceal.
Think what you will, condemn me; be heartless.
But as long as it's just my scars, I am well.
I have no illness.
(C) Mahella (T.M.)
'Broken....Into Tears'
In each drop a reflection of light;
A kaleidoscope of colors,
A prism so bright.
Liquid sentiments glisten by moonlight.
I ask, what do you see?
What you see isn't an illusion;
Each drop holds a reflection.
Each drop.....was another piece of me.
As they fell they shattered.
Like so many mirrors;
Cut glass slicing into flesh....
Dividing every part that was left.
If you wonder what has happened to me,
After all these years,
Look at this vast, liquid sea.......
It's all that remains now,
Since I've been broken....into tears.
This is me.
(C) Mahella (T.M.)
'Let It Go' (or Lost Lover's Lament)
"I hope my heart is never found,
You cannot break what isn't around.
Let it vanish in the dark abyss,
Let it drown in my tears;
That is my only wish.
Once it's lost, I won't cry.
Oh! How I wish that it would die!
Silence those beats,
The rhythm of my pain;
Let them fade and dissipate.
So that I may never hurt this way again."
(C) Mahella (T.M.)
'All Is Lost'
There's nothing left to fall apart....
There's just a memory where there used to be a heart.
All the pretty words and fantasies
Flew away like so many spring butterflies.
Dreams lay in their grave.
Promises curled and dried;
Shallow as they were empty,
They still cut though they've died.
The winter has come
And brought with it a deadly frost.
A smile will be seen no more,
My heart is gone; I have nothing,
All is lost.....
I lay broken and alone, in the cold so long,
My life bled out; My poor heart fled.
Say what you will, do as you like,
Nothing matters now, nothing can make it right.
What you see is just a shell.
No one can hurt me anymore,
I've already been christened by your hate and gone to Hell.
My love was never enough,
You didn't want to hold my humble heart;
You threw it all away and let it shatter.
Now.... There's nothing left to fall apart.
(C) Mahella (T.M.)
'Alone'
Ever here, within my soul
Yet without you I'm alone,
But a shell, never whole.
Where have you gone?
Were you ever here?
Was I but dreaming,
When I felt you near?
I close my eyes
And fall to the floor.
I hold my breath,
With tears of blood shed,
I pray for deliverance,
Sweet death.
I carry you always, here in my heart,
Yet you are so far,
I can't understand
What keeps us apart.
To be with you once more
I'd gladly give my all.
Shedding my last drop of crimson,
Upon my knees I fall.
I sing a song so bittersweet,
That soft fateful tune,
With my last breath
Praying the end will come soon.
Still I feel my blood flow.
My thoughts racing,
Your words pulsing in my head,
The pain continues to grow.
Why have you left me
Alone inside myself?
Abandoned here within my soul.
For all eternity,
No voice to call, nowhere to go.
If you won't find me
Then I can't stay,
I must end this
Stop the madness, wash it all away.
So far and still right here,
I still have all you gave
I see your shadow and hear your words,
But I can't reach you......
Perhaps if I go beyond the grave?
If I go there what will I find,
Will I be released from this prison
That is my soul, my mind?
Will I find you waiting there
Embracing me in your heart,
Remembering all we share?
Or smiling still at my pain
And watching my tears crash at your feet
Like an unforgiving rain.
Still I'm trapped within my soul,
Lying in my pain, alone,
The crimson now so cold.
If I cannot die and cannot live
I'll just bury my dreams,
In myself I'll hide
With you......always there
And the love
We once did share.
I pull the darkness in around me,
Closing my eyes once more,
I see you........so far away,
Inside my core.
Asleep, eyes wide open,
Fearfully dreaming,
Endlessly hoping.
Ever here, within my soul,
I'll never let go of our love.
I can't close that door,
Still I can't escape,
So I lie, breathing, living, dying.......
Writhing on the floor.
One last time,
In the shattering silence I moan,
"Ever here and ever gone
Within my black heart,
Eternally.....I'm alone."
(C) Mahella (T.M.)
'Beauty and the Beast's Betrayal'
I trusted in you, you let me fall.
I took your hand, you pulled me down.
I gave my flesh, I gave my all;
I gave my heart.... You gave me lies.
The smile and laugh shining bright,
Hopes and dreams of living life;
Endearing whispers in the night.
Behind it all a price to pay.
Sadist behind a mask, damning me to Hell.
Wolf in sheep's bloody skin;
Cruel, deceptive game for which I fell.
How was I to know.....
When you hid your lies so cleverly.
Lost in your masquerade, I believed in you.
I was caught in your twisted web; my reality.
Betrayal!
Now my own flesh tries to escape the bonds it loved.
Pain, anger, fear, you inflicted.....
Your brutal grasp I just can't rise above.
My own mirror rejects what it sees!
Who are you, how could this be?!
This nightmarish nemesis, is me.
Denial, my destruction.
Because now, you see..... I am my own worst enemy.
(C) Mahella (T.M)
'Sorrow's Ghost'
The day she died, no one cried,
Only vacant eyes beheld her.
Lying there upon the floor.
She cried in silent screams,
Her soul bleeding;
Wounds inflicted by broken dreams.
She prayed to the heavens,
But they were no more.
She pleaded for a friend,
But they all closed the door.
Surrounded by a sea of light and sound;
Isolated and invisible amongst the crowd.
Not one ear fell upon her,
Not one piercing gaze.
Though she begged and pleaded,
They all past her by in a daze.
In the final moments,
When their coldness sealed her fate,
Sorrow drowned her heart,
Betrayals drove her to hate.
The shadow of despair took her hand,
As she fearfully drew the knife to her chest.
Laughing madly as tears rolled down,
A weary soul, longing for rest.
"Please help me..", once more she softly said....
But once more they turned away;
Once more they left her for dead.
So plunging the blade deep inside her heart,
Into the hollowness inside;
She vowed they'd pay, somehow, someday....
If only, on the day she died.
